I’m not one for celebrity autobiographies. They have a tendency to be to self-gratifying and in most cases boring. Most that are published (e.g., any Osmond sibling’s tell-all, or any book with the subtitle “In Their Own Words”) are usually written by some poor ghostwriter who would rather write anything but some stupid book about some stupid person’s stupid past. I pass by the hardcovers in the bookstore, hating that some moronic, drug-addled, washed-out child star can get a book in stores and my book sits on a shelf collecting dust. (Actually, it’s sitting on my computer’s hard drive, but thinking of it on the shelf sounds more romantic.)

Why We Suck, by Dennis Leary

I always receive books for Christmas, and this year one of them happened to be a celebrity autobiography: Why We Suck by Denis Leary. It’s not in the vein of a just-out-of-rehab story, or the ever favorite, sorry-I-cheated-on-my-wife/embezzled money-still-vote-for-me-in-the-next-election book. Why We Suck is a detailed account of…well, why we as a people suck so bad. These affirmations, mixed with the childhood stories of Denis Leary growing up in a working-class, Irish-American family in Massachusetts, will make many people reexamine their technology-riddled existence, raise their kids differently, treat their wife/husband better, stop worshipping shallow celebutards who do nothing to further humanity, and realize that “of course everyone else in the world hates us.”

Just as a quick example: I feel like an idiot sitting here blogging. I could be doing anything right now—learning to cook better, finally learning Spanish, helping old ladies across the street, petting a dog, kissing a baby. I could be reading a book for Christ’s sake! I mean, that’s what we do, right? You, the one reading this right now. Stop it! Shut off your damn computer and read a book!

So, if you’re still with me—and I wouldn’t blame you if you’re not—just know that we’re all pretty stupid and this doesn’t exclude you, and it sure as hell doesn’t exclude me.

Denis Leary has proven himself as a premiere actor/writer, and Why We Suck is his opus. I think the book should be required reading for every new American about to take the oath of citizenship. Most important, if you are tired of sucking so bad, read this book. It might not rid you of your suckitude, but it will definitely help you live with it.

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